


Don't Misunderstand

by citation (WannaDay)



Series: the story of ponyo & gudetama [1]
Category: Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Café, Canon Compliant, Coffee, Coffee Shops, College, Fluff, Howons, M/M, Snow, Tsundere, i love howons, they were and are so very fluffy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-08
Updated: 2017-08-08
Packaged: 2018-12-12 20:31:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11744643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WannaDay/pseuds/citation
Summary: Where exactly did Sewoon get the inspiration for his self-composed song"Don't Misunderstand"?orWho exactly was Jaehwan singingSkyfallto?





	1. Jung Sewoon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: this is gonna be a short story
> 
> also me: *accidentally writes 7k words*
> 
> ___
> 
> To help get into the howons college feel, [here's a video of Jaehwan and Sewoon singing with their college buddies](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FOgs0FJYHMU)
> 
> note: apparently even though Jaehwan is a year older than Sewoon, they're both from the same 2016 batch at Howon

 

 

 

Sewoon breathed out, curious if he would be able to see his breath in the air.

He couldn’t. The weather was cold but not _that_ cold.

The wind blew at his hair and clothes, and he felt himself shiver a little. He was already wearing at least two layers of clothing, but he made a mental note to wear a thicker jacket for the next day. He had a guitar case slung over his shoulder as he walked, feeling thankful that the instrument inside protected some part of his back from the wind.

Sewoon tilted his head to look at the sky, observing the clouds in an almost dreamlike trance. It was just another morning at campus, but he felt the subtle changes in the air when it came to the temperature. Soon, snow would be falling. The buildings that he knew so well would soon be covered in white. The ground he treaded on everyday would be enveloped in ice, and he would have to walk more carefully to his classes.

The students around him seemed to also notice the cold weather. Some blew into their empty palms; some were cradling cups of coffee. Some held hands or clung onto each other’s arms.

Sewoon smiled. _It must be nice to share some body warmth,_ he thought. His left shoulder was getting a little stiff from the weight of the guitar, so he grabbed it by the case and moved it to his right hand.

Suddenly something (or some _one)_ crashed into his back.

“Sewoonie!” a familiar voice said cheerfully.

Sewoon stumbled forwards but quickly regained his balance. He already knew who it was before he looked over his shoulder to see a familiar face. He didn’t even stop walking.

It was Kim Jaehwan, who was grinning widely from ear to ear. He threw an arm around his younger friend’s shoulders. “Ready for today’s class?”

Jaehwan’s energy was contagious. Sewoon found himself smiling as they walked side by side. “Good morning, hyung. I’m still a little sleepy but I’ll manage.”

“You should get coffee or something. You look like a zombie.” Jaehwan laughed and ruffled Sewoon’s hair.

It was the high-pitched laugh that people either loved or hated, and Sewoon wondered which one he was leaning to. (Truthfully, he had already grown fond of it). “I think you drank too much coffee this morning, hyung.”

With a final giggle, Jaehwan withdrew his hand. Sewoon tried to get his hair back in order as his friend said, “I see you brought your guitar.”

Sewoon nodded. “I was just about to switch it to my other shoulder when you nearly knocked me over.”

Jaehwan blinked before retracting his arm. “Oops. Sorry.”

Sewoon smiled in response. He then finally slung the instrument over his right shoulder, feeling the familiarity of it against his back. He then said, “We have two hours of free time between our first and second class today. I brought my guitar so I could practice a couple songs while waiting.”

“Ah, is that so. I didn’t bring mine today.” Jaehwan then proceeded to wrap an arm around his classmate’s shoulders again. “That’s actually a good idea. We can kill some time together.”

Sewoon didn’t want to admit it, but he was grateful for the body warmth. He smiled again. “Sounds like a plan.”

“Also, lunch! Don’t forget about lunch!”

“Yeah, lunch,” Sewoon said with a laugh.

“I heard there’s a new menu at the cafeteria,” Jaehwan said. He let out a sigh, closing his eyes. “I can already taste it on my tongue.”

“New menu? What is it?”

“It’s—”

But just as Jaehwan was going to launch into a full detailed description of said menu, he turned away from Sewoon and let out a small sneeze. They both halted in their steps. A couple seconds passed. Then Jaehwan sneezed again.

Even the sneeze was high-pitched, which Sewoon found amusing and kind of cute.

“You okay, hyung?” the younger of the two asked, while Jaehwan regained his composure.

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“You should wear thicker clothes next time,” Sewoon muttered, furrowing his brow as he observed Jaehwan’s thin red hoodie. “Wear more layers, too.”

“Yeah. Don’t worry, I’m fine.”

Sewoon nodded, though he wasn’t thoroughly convinced. They continued walking until they finally reached the Applied Music department building, heat radiating from it. It was great to escape the cold.

They sat next to each other in class, Jaehwan pinching Sewoon whenever the latter looked sleepy.

 

 

\---

 

 

After class ended, they found a comfortable spot near the department building. The wind was still blowing, but it was considerably less strong compared to the morning. They sang a couple songs together, accompanied by a few of their friends who watched and also sang along. After an hour, they all proceeded to the cafeteria, where Jaehwan ate his long-awaited menu. Sitting across from Jaehwan, Sewoon found himself unable to concentrate on his own lunch. He had his eyes fixed on his older friend, who ate with so much gusto that reminded Sewoon of a small child eating their favorite snack.

“This is the best thing ever,” Jaehwan said, cheeks full of food.

“Jaehwanie-hyung,” Sewoon finally said, curious.

“Yeah?”

“Swallow your food first.”

Jaehwan chewed a couple times before swallowing. “Yeah?” he asked again.

“Lemme try some,” Sewoon said.

Jaehwan nodded without missing a beat.  “Sure. Here you go.” He then stood up, leaned forwards, and held the spoon out for Sewoon to take a bite.

Sewoon gently took the spoon in his fingers. “Thanks, hyung.” He then fed himself, chewing slowly to savor the taste before swallowing. “Whoa, this is good.” With a thumbs up, he handed the spoon back.

He couldn’t read Jaehwan’s face when he answered, “You’re welcome.”

Jaehwan was smiling, but it was tinged with something else. What that something was, Sewoon couldn’t pinpoint it.

Ten minutes later, the group of friends began heading to their second class, Sewoon among them. Jaehwan had the urge to buy more food, so he stuck behind at the cafeteria and told Sewoon and the others not to wait for him.

As Sewoon walked, he remembered the taste of the new menu that Jaehwan loved so much. It was a little salty, but pretty good. Cooking being one of Sewoon’s hobbies, he felt that he could imitate the meal. Maybe even make a better one that suit Jaehwan’s tastes more.

_Wait… what?_

He caught himself once he thought this. _Was I just planning to cook for him or something?  What’s going on with you, Jung Sewoon?_   He mentally slapped himself.

He turned to his friends, saying, “Jaehwanie-hyung was acting a little weird, huh?”

One of them looked at him, as if surprised. “Well, he did look disappointed when you didn’t let him feed you. I think we all saw how disappointed he looked. Right, guys?” The others nodded vigorously.

Sewoon furrowed his brow. “Why would he be disappointed?”

“…You mean you don’t know?”

“Know what?”

“What.”

There was a silence as they all halted in their steps.

His friend looked genuinely shocked. “You _really_ don’t know?”

“Know what?” Sewoon asked again.

“That he—”

It seemed like he would get an answer, but the words were cut off when a loud shriek echoed off the hallways.

They all turned around to see Jaehwan running towards them, backpack slung over his shoulder, waving his arm and yelling, “The professor’s coming, the professor’s coming!”

And everybody turned on their heels and ran like the wind. Tardiness was not tolerated at all in this certain professor’s class. They would be locked out of if they were late by even a split second.

But Sewoon, curiosity taking over, slowed down his pace. He waited until Jaehwan caught up and reached out to grab his hand, intending to have them both stop to just _talk for a bit._

It didn’t work. He felt Jaehwan’s fingers tighten around his and before he knew what was happening, Jaehwan was pulling him along as they ran down the hall.

“Hyung,” Sewoon gasped. “Hyung, wait. I need to talk to you—"

“No time for waiting we’ll die if we don’t make it okay now run run run,” Jaehwan said, all in one breath.

They all somehow made it to class approximately twenty seconds before the professor arrived. Out of breath and panting over their desks, they watched the professor scold a handful of late students.

“We’re alive,” Jaehwan wheezed, faceplanting onto his desk. Sewoon took a seat next to him. “We’re alive.”

Behind them, a voice hissed, _“Pssst, Sewoon.”_

Sewoon turned around to see his still surprised-looking friend, seated on the desk behind him, still asking the same question from the hallway.

“You really _really_ don’t know?”

Trying not to roll his eyes, Sewoon whispered back, “I really don’t know, so could you please tell me? Not now though, the professor’s scary.”

“Man, I’m pretty sure everyone knows except you.” There was a pause. “It’s better if you figure it out yourself, though.”

Sewoon blinked. “Um. Okay?”

“It should be pretty obvious though.”

 _What is so obvious?_   Sewoon wanted to ask. But he focused his attention to the front of the class again, gaze moving from place to place.

There was the professor, who was preparing to start the lecture. There were the windows, in which a nice view from the third floor could be seen. There were the students, taking out their books and pens.

Finally his eyes landed on Jaehwan’s fingers, which were still intertwined with his on top of the desk.

Sewoon didn’t even realize they were still holding hands.

Jaehwan, still silent and faceplanting, didn’t seem to realize either. His shoulders rose and fell as he tried to get his breath back.

_It should be pretty obvious though._

Without thinking, Sewoon immediately let go of the older boy’s hand. He pulled out a notebook and hid his face behind it, mind and heart racing a million miles a second.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Three weeks passed before Sewoon’s eyes. The days zipped by in a flurry of classes, hanging out with Jaehwan and their friends during break times, and countless group projects that made Sewoon’s head spin.

The weather became colder. Sewoon was positive that it was going to snow soon. _If not this week, next week,_ he thought.

It was a Sunday evening in his room when he faced a horrible case of writer’s block. Somehow, he found it hard to write a new song.

Sewoon was usually a very calm person. So when he felt the urge to flip a table after hours of no progress, he knew that he needed to clear his head for a while.

He took out his phone and sent a message.

 

_“hyung…”_

Jaehwan answered him half an hour later.

 

_“sewoonie! ^.^”_

Sewoon smiled. He already felt calmer. Knowing that Jaehwan was at his part-time job, Sewoon didn’t mind the slow responses.

 

_“what time do you finish your shift today, hyung?”_

There was pause while he waited.

 

_“i’ll be done at around 6~”_

Sewoon checked the clock. It was still 3 o’clock.

 

_“hyung, can i come over? :( ”_

Jaehwan was replying faster now. Maybe he was on his ten minute break. Sewoon’s thumbs glided over the keyboard.

 

_“waaaah. whyyy. what’s wrong? T T”_

_“it’s nothing serious, hyung.  i’ll tell you when i get there”_

_“but i wont be done for another three hours :(”_

_“that’s fine. i can wait there.”_

_“okayyyy”_

Sewoon pulled on his sweater and grabbed his coat, scarf, and small bag containing a notebook and pencils. He took one glance around the room before leaving.

As he walked on familiar streets, he thought about what happened three weeks ago at the cafeteria. He remembered the words: “ _You’ll figure it out yourself.”_

He tried not to think about it too much, but it had been gnawing at the back of his mind for quite a while. Sewoon was already gathering his own conclusions, but he wasn’t sure how he felt about them.

One of them was particularly farfetched.

 _The conclusion,_ he had thought one day, _that Kim Jaehwan may look at you as more than a friend—_

Sewoon shook his head. _No way._

Jaehwan himself was acting like he normally did, not showing any change of emotions or anything, so Sewoon had even more trouble backing up his theories. In the end, he decided to just forget about it. Maybe it was a joke. Maybe it was _as simple as that_ and he was overthinking it.

 

It took him half an hour to reach the café where Jaehwan worked. It was a small, comfortable café within the city. Sewoon and Jaehwan had visited it occasionally before with their friends (the café being not too far away from campus). When the owner announced that they were hiring employees, Jaehwan grabbed onto the offer. Now he had been working there for almost a month.

A tiny bell rang above his head as Sewoon opened the door of the café. He sighed in relief as the warmth of the cozy building engulfed him. He saw his friend immediately.

Jaehwan was bent over a table, wiping it with a dry cloth. He wore the café’s uniform—a long-sleeved white dress shirt, black jeans, and a blue apron around his waist. He looked completely focused on his task, not noticing Sewoon standing a few meters away from him. 

With one last wipe, Jaehwan collected the empty plates and cups from the table. Sewoon watched his friend head to the back of the room, disappearing behind a door that led to the kitchen. He reemerged a couple seconds later with his hands empty.

There was another employee at the café’s counter—an unfamiliar, tall, rather good looking young man with glasses. The employee and Jaehwan exchanged a few words. A minute later, Jaehwan calmly stood behind the counter while his tall coworker retreated to the kitchen.

Sewoon took that as his cue to step in.

He walked up to the counter and lowered his voice, trying to disguise it. “One Americano, please,” he said.

Jaehwan, whose eyes were focused on sorting the bills in the cash register, nodded. “Would you like that hot or cold?” he asked, then finally looked up.

“Hi,” Sewoon said.

“Sewoonie!” Jaehwan laughed. “I didn’t recognize you.”

“Just trying to surprise you,” Sewoon said, switching back to his normal voice. “Working hard as usual, I see.”

“Yeah. Coffee won’t just magically appear out of nowhere,” Jaehwan replied. “So are you really ordering or what?”

“Yup. I’ll have an iced Americano, please.”

“Coming right up, mister Jung Sewoon.”

“No wait, actually—”

Jaehwan’s hand hovered above the coffee maker.

“I’ll have _pat bingsu_ ,” Sewoon continued.

“Allrighty then.”

“Actually, I’ll have cold noodles.”

Jaehwan started smiling. “You little brat.”

“On second thought, I’ll have—”

“You’re just naming song titles about drinks and food.”

Sewoon laughed. “You caught me.” He leaned over the counter. “I’ll have Americano, please. Hot.”

“Coming right up.”

Sewoon watched as his friend prepared the coffee. He had grown accustomed to seeing Jaehwan’s fingers meticulously and carefully pluck at guitar strings, producing melodies pleasing to the ears. It was interesting how the same gentle hands were used to grind coffee beans, slowly pour hot water, and twirl the small spoon inside of the café’s signature cup.

“Here you go, sir,” Jaehwan said, handing Sewoon the finished drink.

“Thanks, hyung. I’ll see you after you finish your shift.”

Sewoon looked around for a seat while Jaehwan greeted another customer. The café had around ten tables, and almost all of them were full. He finally chose a small table in the corner and sat down on the single chair. He took a small sip from the cup, sighing happily as the warmth entered his mouth and spread across his entire body.

The coworker, who had reemerged from the kitchen, was talking animatedly with Jaehwan _. Probably talking about the customer’s orders._

From his bag, Sewoon pulled out a notebook and pencil. He opened it to an empty page, closing his eyes and concentrating. In his room, he had been strumming randomly on his guitar, experimenting on various chords, when he came across an interesting melody. He even hummed to it, quite enjoying where the song was going. But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t find the right lyrics for it, not knowing exactly what to write about.

He sighed as he opened his eyes again. He stared at the notebook in front of him. He finally began to write.

Two hours passed that way, with Sewoon muttering and singing under his breath, writing, and scratching out words that didn’t feel right. His surroundings became a blur, the café’s music becoming silent in his ears.

Two hours wasted.

Sewoon stared at the page filled with his scribbling and scratches.  Nothing was sounding good. He slowly ripped the page out and crumpled it in his hands.

He looked up to see how Jaehwan was doing.

He had a clear view of the counter so he could easily see his friend brewing more coffee. Jaehwan prepared the customers’ orders easily while talking to his coworker. Sewoon couldn’t hear what they were saying, but it was probably something light-hearted since they were both smiling.

 _They look close_ , Sewoon thought. He was just about to turn back to his notebook when the coworker let out a gentle laugh that caught his attention.

Sewoon continued to watch their interaction, twirling the pencil in his hand.

Then he froze.

 _Oh, they_ are _close._

The coworker had bent down and, grinning, ruffled Jaehwan’s hair. There was a sort of fondness in the movement and Sewoon didn’t know why, but he couldn’t turn away.

Jaehwan was making a pouting face as he walked away from the touch, a cup of coffee in his hands. He handed it to the waiting customer, who thanked him with a smile. Sewoon noticed how the coworker’s gaze never left Jaehwan. There was something in the gaze that Sewoon didn’t like. _Warmth? Affection?_ What was it?

He felt a strange, unfamiliar pang in his chest.

 _What in the world?_   Sewoon thought. _So what if they’re close? Why should I care?_

He turned back to his notebook, trying to ignore the view in front of him.

 

 

\---

 

 

“Thanks for waiting for me, Sewoonie.”

Sewoon nodded as he opened the door for Jaehwan. They exited the café, the chilly breeze hitting them immediately. It was well past 6 o’clock at night, the sky already dark. They began walking side by side, with no destination in particular.

“So what’s on your mind?” Jaehwan asked.

“I’m working on a song,” Sewoon answered. His hands were cold. He rubbed them together as he continued, “But writer’s block got me. Real bad. I think I got the melody for the chorus done, but not the whole song. The worst part is no matter what I write, the lyrics just don’t turn out the way I like.”

“What kind of song do you want it to be?”

“The song’s a bit upbeat. It’s not a sad song or anything. I’m not really sure what I want it to be about.”

“It sucks when inspiration doesn’t come to you. But you’ll think of something. You always do.”

Sewoon smiled. “I guess I just needed to clear my mind for a bit.”

“Did the Americano help?”

“I guess it did.”

 _Just talking with you helps_ , Sewoon thought. He looked up at the sky. A full moon was in the air.  “Your coworker seems like a nice person.”

_Wait, why am I asking this?_

Jaehwan seemed surprised. “Um… Yeah, I guess he is.”

“He’s really tall.”

_What the heck am I saying—_

“You’re also tall, Sewoonie.”

“Only a couple centimeters taller than you, hyung.”

 _Oh my gosh,_ Sewoon was groaning in his head. _Why is this even important— Shut up, Jung Sewoon, shut up._

“Um…” Jaehwan seemed confused on how to reply. Instead he said, “He’s a good friend.”

There was an emphasis on the world _friend_ , as if Jaehwan wanted to convince Sewoon about something.

Sewoon suddenly found it difficult to talk. Words kept getting stuck in his throat. He spent a good minute wondering what to say when his friend suddenly bent over, coughing.

“Are you okay, hyung?”

“Sorry,” Jaehwan said with a sniffle. “I’m okay.”

“The wind’s pretty strong.” It was then that Sewoon took notice of Jaehwan’s clothes— a black sweater (probably above the white dress shirt) and same black jeans. He shook his head in disbelief. “Hyung, you didn’t bring a coat or anything?”

“I was in a rush,” Jaehwan replied, his voice quiet after his coughing fit. “It’s okay, I’m fine.”

Sewoon sighed. “I told you many times to wear more layers.”

“I was in a _rush,_ ” Jaehwan repeated.

 _What if you get sick?_ Sewoon was going to say, but somehow the words wouldn’t come out of his mouth again. He just sighed and continued walking.

They walked in silence for around ten minutes before Jaehwan started talking about the most random things. About campus life, about the upcoming exams and festival, about how he ran away from a cockroach that morning, about how the E string of his guitar snapped again, about how hungry he was.  The conversation made Sewoon somehow relax, but at the same time he couldn’t help but notice how Jaehwan would occasionally turn away to let out another cough or sneeze.

The night ended with them discovering an old, empty playground. Jaehwan had an eager glint in his eye before he rushed forwards and seized a spot on the swings. Silently, Sewoon sat down on the swing next to him.

They should have gone home earlier. They had morning classes the next day. But as Sewoon watched his friend swinging higher and higher while laughing like a psychopath, he knew that it could wait.  

You would have thought that a loud, high-pitched laughter would be _extremely_ annoying. But in that one moment, Jung Sewoon felt no annoyance at all. He actually felt calmed by it. The laugh carried a heavy familiarity that he was comfortable with.

And when he turned to look at Jaehwan, who was smiling widely like a little kid, Sewoon felt that everything was perfect.

 

 

* * *

 

 

The next day, Sewoon woke up early to head to the nearest convenience store. He bought a bottle of cough medicine and stuffed it in his pocket.

He planned to give it to Jaehwan when all of their classes were finished. He just hoped his friend wasn’t busy.

It was nearly 8 o’clock in the morning when snow started to fall.

Sewoon didn’t realize it at first. But as he walked towards campus, he saw flecks of white pass by his eyes. It was then that he looked up at the sky, a childish sense of joy filling him up almost instantly.

Snow was falling lightly all over the city. It fell delicately onto lamp posts, buildings, sidewalks, and everything in sight. The entire sky itself was like a vast, white canvas.

Sewoon slowly and carefully breathed out. He felt a tingle of excitement as he saw his own breath in the air. With a small smile, he tightened the scarf he wore around his neck and continued walking.

 

 

Just as he expected, Howon University in the winter was really pretty.

The tall buildings and ground were slowly being covered by snow. He could already see traces of footsteps left by people going in all directions. Students bustled here and there, heading to their classes while talking excitedly.

In the midst of people, Sewoon saw a familiar figure.

It was a figure nearly his height, standing still and looking up at the sky. Even though the figure had its back facing Sewoon, he recognized who it was.

“Jaehwanie-hyung!” he called out.

Kim Jaehwan had quite a small frame. When he had a guitar slung over his back like he did today, it would usually cover the entire back of his body except for his legs and parts of shoulders. If someone were to stand behind him, he would have looked like a walking guitar case. Sewoon grew accustomed to seeing Jaehwan like that, so it was no trouble recognizing him.

His friend turned around and their eyes connected. Jaehwan smiled and waved while Sewoon walked up to stand beside him.

To Sewoon’s relief, Jaehwan was wearing a thick black coat and scarf. An improvement compared to the lack of warm clothes last night.

Together, they gazed at the sky.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?” Sewoon said.

Jaehwan hummed in agreement. “Everything looks so peaceful.”

“Yes.”

“What if every day was as peaceful as this?”

Sewoon pondered over the question. Finally he replied, “I’m not sure.”

From the corner of his eye, Sewoon saw Jaehwan smile.

“Me neither,” the older of the two said with a small laugh. “I…” Then he trailed off.

“What?” Sewoon asked.

“It’s nothing.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, it’s nothing.”

“If you say so…”

They continued staring at the sky.

Finally, Sewoon turned to look at his friend. Jaehwan’s cheeks were pink from the cold, and he had a sort of wistful glaze in his eyes. There were snowflakes sprinkled all over his hair.

There was something in Jaehwan’s stare that made Sewoon feel uneasy. So he dug into his pocket.

Sewoon took out the cough medicine and pushed it lightly against Jaehwan’s cheek.

Jaehwan blinked as if snapping out of a daydream. He finally tore his eyes away from the sky to look at the object that Sewoon held against his face. “What’s this?” he asked.

Sewoon took Jaehwan’s hand in his. He unfurled his friend’s fingers and placed the small bottle in them. “Cough medicine.”

Jaehwan blinked again as he stared at the object in the palm of his hand. Then he looked up, looking right into his classmate’s eyes. “You bought this for me?”

“N-no,” Sewoon quickly answered, surprising himself with his own stammering. Why wouldn’t he want Jaehwan to know that he _did_ buy it for him? “I just happened to have it with me.”

“You just happened to have it with you,” Jaehwan repeated.

“I was on the way to campus and there was a convenience store.” Sewoon found himself unable to make eye contact. Instead, his eyes focused on the small bottle in Jaehwan’s hand—anywhere but Jaehwan’s face. “I just happened to buy it since the weather’s getting so cold. I didn’t know who else to give it to.”

“Um, okay.”

“You keep getting sick,” Sewoon continued. His heart was beating frantically and he didn’t know why. “What if I catch a cold from you or something?”

Jaehwan nodded. “Makes sense. I wouldn’t want you to get sick, Sewoonie.”

“Yeah.” Sewoon tried to ignore how Jaehwan’s reply made his heart do a weird acrobatic flip. “Don’t get the wrong idea, hyung.”

“Um… okay.”

Then Sewoon let go of Jaewhan’s hand and walked away rather quickly. He hoped his face wasn’t as red as it felt.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I almost didn't include the part with Jaehwan's coworker. But jealous Sewoon seemed like a good idea so I decided to leave it as it is :")


	2. Kim Jaehwan

 

 

Months and months passed. The seasons changed. Over and over again.

Jaehwan found himself in front of a large mirror with independent trainees Chan, Dongha, Insoo, and Sangbin. The small waiting room was filled with their hushed chattering. Soon they would enter the room with 101 chairs, and everything would begin.

Jaehwan stared at his reflection in the mirror. _It’s your third survival show,_ he told himself. _You shouldn’t be nervous. You can do this. Wait, doesn’t that just make you even more nervous—?_

He lightly smacked his cheeks, trying to calm himself down. Ever since he received the message that he would be participating in the second season of Produce 101, he had dived right into hours and hours of practice. He wouldn’t want to mess up and have all of those hours go to waste.

He suddenly thought of a lot of things.

Jaehwan knew he needed to focus. It wasn’t the time for flashbacks.

But because he knew who was already in the room with 101 chairs, memories flooded his mind.

 

 

 

_Eventually, Sewoon was rarely seen at campus. His training at Starship Entertainment became more intense, and he seemed to have other schedules as well. It was very understandable. Gunsan and Seoul were very far from each other. It wasn’t as if Sewoon could teleport from Howon University to the Starship building in the blink of an eye._

_Busy schedules eventually made them slightly grow apart. Jaehwan continued doing his own thing, busking with friends, finding gigs, and wondering what his next step in life should be. He and Sewoon continued to keep in contact through messages, but it just wasn’t the same when you could barely see each other._

_Jaehwan was the first to deliver the news. He called Sewoon one day, practically yelling into the receiver, “GUESS WHAT I’M GOING ON PRODUCE 101.”_

_There was a long pause and Jaehwan wondered if he had broken Sewoon’s eardrums. But then the answer came, and Jaehwan felt his jaw drop._

_“Me too, hyung… I’m representing Starship…”_

_It took them an hour to get over the shock of going on a survival program together. By the end of the conversation, Jaehwan was on the floor, wheezing after laughing so hard. He was just too damn surprised._

 

_\---_

 

_The days whizzed by after that. For some time, the both of them were in Seoul, doing different things in different places. Jaehwan practiced with Chan and Dongha, Sewoon with Gwanghyun._

_A couple days before the start of Produce 101’s recording, Jaehwan and Sewoon went to Gunsan together. They visited campus, met with their classmates, and walked down familiar hallways. They took a small stroll through the city, seeing familiar sights. Afterwards they went to the café where Jaehwan used to work, where he wanted to give his thanks to the owner for taking such good care of him. In the café, Sewoon commented on how Jaehwan’s bangs were getting too long, reaching over and running his fingers through Jaehwan’s hair as if to prove a point, and the older of the two felt like imploding._

_Then Jaehwan glanced at the counter, wondering where the owner was, when he locked eyes with his coworker. The same coworker he'd known since his first day on the job._

_They stared at each other for a bit before Jaehwan awkwardly looked away._

_Afterwards Jaehwan met with the owner and they talked for a while._

_Behind him, somebody was speaking in a low whisper. He easily recognized his coworker's low voice._

_“You're Jung Sewoon, right? I remember when you came here months ago. Jaehwan talks about you a lot, you know..._ _Don’t worry, I'm backing off. Good luck though. He can be a bit of an idiot sometimes.”_

_And Jaehwan turned around to see the coworker giving Sewoon a small smirk before walking away. Sewoon had the most confused look on his face, as if wondering what the hell happened._

_Jaehwan, confused as well, wondered if he had just missed something big._

 

 

\---

 

 

_They rode a bus back to Seoul, discussing their plans for the survival program._

_“I’m going to perform EXO-CBX’s Hey Mama,” Jaehwan said._

_“That’s awesome,” Sewoon replied. “You’re doing the high note, right?”_

_“Yup.”_

_“Good.”_

_“How about you?”_

_“Me and Gwanghyun decided to do Maroon 5’s Sugar.”_

_“Cute.”_

_“I’m afraid if the trainers ask me to do a freestyle dance though,” Sewoon said with a sigh._

_“I’ve never seen you dance,” Jaehwan said thoughtfully._

_Sewoon laughed. “Then you have something to look forward to on the first day.” He paused a bit. “What if they ask_ you _to do a freestyle dance?”_

_“Then I’d kindly ask you to close your eyes.”_

_Sewoon let another laugh and it was like music to Jaehwan’s ears._

_“What if they ask you to sing individually?” the older of the two asked. “I’m thinking of singing Skyfall.”_

_“I like when you sing Skyfall,” Sewoon said._

_Jaehwan wondered if Sewoon was aware of how much the compliment meant to him. It felt like his stomach did a sudden somersault of happiness. “How about you?”_

_“I… uh…” Sewoon suddenly looked out the window, watching the sights pass by. Finally he turned to look at his friend again. “Remember that time when I had horrible writer’s block and I visited you at the café?”_

_“Uh-huh.”_

_“Well, I found inspiration. I finished the song.”_

_“That’s awesome!”_

_Sewoon smiled. “Yeah. I’ll perform that song if they ask me to sing individually.”_

_“What’s the song about?” Jaehwan asked, and Sewoon froze again._

_“It’s about… a certain someone.”_

_“A certain someone?”_

_“Someone very, very important to me.”_

_Jaehwan tried to ignore the tinge of jealousy as he said, “Who’s the lucky person?”_

_“I’m not telling you,” Sewoon said, shaking his head.  “But…” His smile grew brighter. “I think you’ll know when you hear it.”_

 

 

And now here was Jaehwan, trying not to see his own nervous face in the mirror, his heart threatening to burst out of his chest.

He was nervous for two things: the fact that his third survival show was starting, and also the fact that Sewoon was already in the room. He had heard that Starship was the first to enter. He wondered how Sewoon and Gwanghyun felt when they walked into that big room, all alone.

Jaehwan then felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked up to see Chan, who gave him a fist pump in the air as encouragement.

“ _Hwaiting,”_ Chan said. “We’re entering soon.”

Jaehwan nodded, trying to pull on a smile. “Thanks. _Hwaiting!_ ”

Five minutes later, the independent trainees made their entrance. Jaehwan’s eyes automatically focused on the 101 chairs, some of them towering above him. He suddenly felt very, very small.

He searched the rows of seated boys until he found a familiar face.

Sewoon was sitting on the third row next to the stairs. He wore a checkered black and red hoodie, and he was looking at Jaehwan’s direction. The younger of the two gave a little wave.

Jaehwan felt some of his nervousness ebb away. He waved back.

 

 

\---

 

 

Jaehwan finished the _Hey Mama_ performance to the sound of loud cheers. The trainers then asked him to individually showcase his vocal ability.

So he did. Sitting down with his guitar in his lap, he played the introduction of _Skyfall_ , leaning into the microphone before singing.

 

 

_This is the end  
Hold your breath and count to ten_

 

Jaehwan found himself focusing on his friend. He could see Sewoon watching him, smiling widely and proudly.

The expression on Sewoon’s face was really cute.

Jaehwan knew he shouldn’t be thinking of any distracting things, but he couldn’t help it.

 

 

_Feel the earth move and then_

 

 

Jung Sewoon had always been a cute kid. The moment they first met at Howon, Jaehwan took notice of the younger student’s large, sleepy-looking eyes, squishy cheeks, and overall innocent aura. But at that moment, as Jaehwan played his guitar in front of the trainers and trainees, he tried to remember the first time Sewoon suddenly became so much cuter in his eyes. He couldn’t exactly remember when. Everything Sewoon did became even more endearing, and the time they spent together set him in a sort of giddy happiness. It took Jaehwan a long time to realize that he had slowly but gradually fallen for his friend.

 

 

_Hear my heart burst again_

 

But even after discovering how he felt towards Sewoon, Jaehwan continued on with their comfortable friendship. Sewoon didn’t seem to notice anything, even after all the time they spent together in and outside campus. In a way, Jaehwan was angry at himself for not being brave enough to say anything.

And now here they were, about to face days of whatever would happen. He was hopeful, but at the same time afraid. He had watched the first season of Produce 101. He knew the hardships they would face. He knew how physically and emotionally tiring the practice sessions would be, how the sense of competition would always make them feel unsafe, and how viewers would be ready to say the most horrible things to bring them down. And those were just some of his worries as the list went on and on.

 

 _Let the sky fall_  
_When it crumbles_

 

 

Would they both be okay at the end? Would they get hurt along the way? He didn’t know. _Nobody_ knew. But what he was sure of was that Jung Sewoon would be there with him. And Jaehwan would, with all of his heart, be at his friend’s side no matter what happened.

 

 

 _We will stand tall_  
_Face it all together_  
_At skyfall_

 

 

He finished to another round of applause. He smiled, feeling the lyrics. The survival program might be scary, but they could go through it together. He was sure of it. Confidence starting filling up his entire body. He felt that everything was going to be absolutely fine.

Then BoA said, “I want to see Jaehwan dance”, and Jaehwan resisted the urge to bitch slap himself.

 

 

\---

 

 

The evaluations continued. Hours passed. Jaehwan was starting to feel anxious as trainee after trainee performed and were sorted into classes.

Finally it was Starship’s turn. He saw Sewoon and Gwanghyun taking their place in front of the trainers, Sewoon holding a large notebook as a prop, Gwanghyun carrying a chair to place in the middle of the stage.

The performance was just as bright and bubbly as Jaehwan thought it would be. He looked around for a bit and saw other trainees smiling just as widely as he was. The concept fit the Starship boys well.

As the room filled with applause, Jaehwan wondered (or more accurately, _hoped)_ that the trainers would ask Sewoon to sing individually. Saying that he was curious of Sewoon’s self-composed song was an understatement. Jaehwan was _dying_ to hear it. He was ready to guess whoever the song might be about. In a way, he was looking forward and yet dreading it. Was it someone he knew at campus? One of their friends in the same major?

As his mind raged with all sorts of theories, Kahi asked, “Sewoon, do you still write songs?”

“Yes, I still sing while playing the guitar.”

 _Oh my god,_ Jaehwan thought.

Kahi spoke into the microphone again. “Can you show us something now?”

Without a second of hesitation, Sewoon answered, “Yes.”

_OH MY GOD IT’S ACTUALLY HAPPENING._

Jaehwan watched his friend take a seat in front of all the trainers and trainees.

After tuning his guitar calmly, Sewoon spoke into the microphone, “I’ll sing a self composition." And then he looked to his left, staring directly at Jaehwan.

The stare lasted for a brief three seconds before Sewoon smiled and turned to face the whole audience again. Then he closed his eyes, strummed his guitar, and started singing.

 

 

 _I’m not angry, I’m just normally quiet_  
_And for some reason, I’m even more like that when I’m in front of you_  
_I don’t really know why I’m like that, but I feel strange_

 

 

Jaehwan’s heart dropped. It was a love song. Sewoon was in love with someone?

He didn’t want to hear this, didn’t want to get his heart broken _right now of all times_. Jaehwan wanted to cover his ears and pretend he didn’t hear a thing. But his hands were still at his side, eyes still on his friend, a heavy weight on his chest. Not wanting to show how he really felt, he did his best to keep a small smile on his face.

 

  
_Why are you wearing clothes so lightly when the weather is chilly these days?_  
_That’s why you catch colds_

 

So Sewoon was singing about an idiot who didn’t know how to dress properly during cold days. Jaehwan wondered who the idiot was. What a lucky idiot. Was it someone he knew? Someone in their department?

 

 

 _I just happened to have medicine in my pocket_  
_So just in case I catch the cold from you, I’m giving it to you_

 

Jaehwan blinked. “Huh?”

 

 

 _Don’t misunderstand_  
_I didn’t buy this for me, but I don’t really have someone specific to give it to_

 

 

Jaehwan’s head was spinning. Was he mishearing things?

 

 

_Throw it out or keep it  
But you, stop getting sick_

 

 

It was as if the entire room disappeared before his eyes, replaced by a scene of snow falling from the sky. He remembered a small bottle being pushed against his cheek, and a familiar voice saying, “Cough medicine. I just happened to buy it since the weather’s getting so cold.”

 

  
_Don’t misunderstand_  
_It’s something I already had_

 

So Kim Jaehwan himself was the idiot.

 

 

_Don’t misunderstand  
I picked it up on the way here_

 

 

With a final strum of his guitar, Sewoon finished the song. The room erupted into applause yet again.

Jaehwan was wondering what in the world just happened when Sewoon glanced at his direction, their eyes meeting once again.

Sewoon gave him another smile before turning back to the trainers, waiting for the results of the evaluation.

Jaehwan put a hand to his own cheek. It was burning.

 

 

\---

 

 

Hours later and the trainees were heading to the dorms. Jaehwan and Sewoon were both in B class, so they would be seeing each other a lot.

The weather was cold outside. It was a familiar coldness.

Jaehwan was dragging his suitcase in the midst of all the trainees, guitar slung over his back. Everyone was wearing layers of thick clothes so it was hard to see other people’s faces.

Suddenly a familiar person started walking beside him.

“Hi,” Sewoon said. He also carried his guitar.

“Hi,” Jaehwan answered. He didn’t dare look at his friend, but from the corner of his eye he saw Sewoon staring right at him, also dragging a large suitcase.

As they walked side by side, their guitars bumped into each other, as if in a greeting.

They were silent for another good five minutes until Jaehwan finally gathered the courage to say, “What was that?” He turned to see his friend’s face.

They were both aware of what he meant by _that._ The song.

Sewoon could only smile, and there was a sort of warmth in his eyes. “What do you think?” he asked. And before Jaehwan could answer, Sewoon picked up his pace, leaving the older of the two behind.

Jaehwan could only watch, dumbstruck, as Sewoon disappeared in the crowd of walking trainees.

He stared blankly ahead for what seemed like an eternity.

Then Jaehwan looked up at the sky. It was vast and white, reminding him of a lot of things and a lot of moments.

 _And here we go,_ he thought. _Here we go._

It seemed that their story would finally begin.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> howons is love, howons is life :""")
> 
> -
> 
> ((Don't Misunderstand song translation by woojinprk))  
>  
> 
> You can hear Sewoon's beautiful tsundere song here: [오해는 마 (Don't Misunderstand)](https://youtu.be/gSh20B8I_ks?t=3m34s)
> 
> -
> 
> ((also, feel free to drop a comment and we can cry and scream about howons together))
> 
> -
> 
>  
> 
> The story continues on [Say It To Me Now](http://archiveofourown.org/works/11744730)
> 
>  
> 
> \---
> 
> you can also find me on twitter :) → [@myday_blackrose](https://twitter.com/myday_blackrose)


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